mood: Everything must go!

Today's mood is starting over. Everything must go! If it no longer suits who I am or what I am doing, has bad memories attached, is half broken, makes me unhappy, is something I thought I would use but never did, bought with the wrong intentions, or there is a newer model that I feel ready for... it's got to go. Are you also in the mood to start over?

mood essays share my personal opinions, advice, and mindset reframes on hot topics and scenarios that deeply influence our modern lives. Some of these essays are rants, others more practical, but they are all needed.

If cleaning and decluttering is painful for you or feels like a cycle you can't escape from (Where does all this stuff keep come from?!), keep reading for my tips on how to declutter without guilt.

At the end, I'll share my top three hacks to effective decluttering, including alternatives to "does it spark joy," that also tie into shopping principles I consider whenever bringing new things into my own. Keep the clutter away for good.

The Mindset Shift You Need Before Decluttering

Decluttering is not wasting money. You can declutter without guilt.

• You felt joy when you bought it, didn't you? It's okay to allow yourself to have that on occasion.

• We are in a capitalist society, and shopping is part of that. Of course we want that money to go to brands and people we want to have it, and that isn't always the case, but it is a system we are raised into. Circulating money is part of that.

• Some items can be resold, recycled, gifted, or donated to have new life.

• It was useful or motivating at one point. Even if it's not needed now, it was, and that's wonderful.

• Most importantly: You learned something from it. If you didn't feel good about any of the above reasons, what can you learn from getting rid of it?

If you (like myself and many people I know) have had to declutter too many times, then it's important to think intentionally about what triggers shopping. Some things we get rid of because we don't need them anymore, but if they never felt good past the moment you bought it, then that reflection is necessary.

We can't break our habits if we don't acknowledge the past that built them. Clutter is like all your past events and history staring at you and clogging your emotional field. Removing these items from your life, and giving the items you want to keep a place in your home that is easy to find and safe, helps you move on.

The Right Way to Say Goodbye to Your Stuff When Decluttering

Are you muttering, frantic, throwing things in trash bags, or filled with helplessness when cleaning out your home? Did you think to yourself that you wouldn't ever let it get this bad again?

We've all been there, and it's not a fun or empowering feeling. To change your habits, you not only have to evaluate how you shop, but you have to give yourself peace when letting things go. Shame is not a long lasting factor in change, it's short-lived, and instead re-instates your negative beliefs about your identity. And if you attribute this behavior as a bad part of who you are, you are more likely to repeat it, not change.

(For more identity work, read my personal development book Repeat After Me: How to Change Your Life in 1,111 Affirmations or Less)

I have been in a massive state of decluttering the past few months and one thing that I did differently this time was talk to every item I was decluttering. Hold the item in your hands, close your eyes, and thank it for being in your life, and wish it well on its journey without you. Really feel it in your heart for a few seconds.

"I am glad you were in my life. Thank you. I no longer need you. Goodbye."

Using this language, approaching your decluttering with gratitude, helps you feel better when cleaning your house. And you deserve to feel better.

It has been a strange, peaceful, and happy send-off, acknowledging these items have had a function for me, but no longer do. Just because the item isn't right for me anymore (or possibly never was), didn't mean I wasn't grateful for it. As I got used to this practice, I didn't need to pause with each item, and instead felt that peace through the whole process. I still paused for big items, but the feeling stayed with me with each item donated, sold, or thrown away.

Doesn't that feel nicer than shoving things in trash bags in a tizzy, thinking about "wasted money" or how your house isn't where you want it to be yet?

Decluttering Mindset: It's About More Than Decluttering

This phrase is also helpful for cultivating new mindsets.

If you are leaving behind your money scarcity mindset, for example, tell your brain "thank you for keeping me safe" while also acknowledging that you no longer need scarcity to feel safe anymore. Tell your brain it is safe now to change your mind and learn something new.

It doesn't feel logical that scarcity could be how you feel safe, but your subconscious can make anything feel safe, and any change a threat.

Calmly telling your brain you don't need to believe something anymore, that it is safe to move on, and that you are grateful for the old belief when you needed it—helps you move on. It takes repetition, and full body feelings, but it works.

To the advice of Ariana Grande's song, "Thank U, Next," gratitude and lessons are necessary as you say goodbye.

Hacks for Decluttering When "Does it Spark Joy" Doesn't Work For You

As much as I love the Marie Kondō spark joy concept, it doesn't work for me with ADHD. Everything can spark joy if I feel like it or imagine my ideal self.

• Why is decluttering so hard emotionally? It might be needed identity work, or because you are neurodivergent.

• What to do when the Marie Kondō method doesn't work? How to declutter when everything sparks joy? Try one of these different approaches!

If you also have a particularly hard time deciding what to let go, I have some alternative thought processes that are memorable and effective.

Three Decluttering Hacks for ADHD:

1. The Bold Take: If your dog pooped on it, would you clean it or replace it?

2. Swedish Death Cleaning method: If you died, would you want your relatives to declutter this for you?

3. Avoid Money Waste: When you are feeling inspired, would you buy it again?

Hack # 1: If your dog pooped on it, would you clean it or replace it?

If you would just throw away an item that was shat on, declutter it now. Think about this while shopping too. If you are browsing Five Below and found a cute trinket you just have to have, would you be really upset and try to find it again if your pet pooped on it?

If poop is going too far, also think about the item breaking. Are you immediately getting another one?

Hack # 2: If you died, would you want your relatives to declutter this for you?

In Swedish Death Cleaning, you consider your death when decluttering and bringing items into your home, as a way of honoring your relatives. It doesn't mean you have to be a minimalist, but you should be more clear on what brings value to your life, so those you leave behind won't have to sort through more than they necessary.

This is something I was thinking about when I realized I still had physical copies of my tax forms from 2018.

Hack # 3: When you are feeling inspired about your ideal life and goal-setting, would you buy it again?

This one is really valuable to me with ADHD, and one I hadn't heard people say before. I know that if I'm inspired by someone on TikTok, and want to pull into my identity something I admire about them, I will buy the item again even if I bought it before and decluttered it after not following through. This one hack has saved me so much money.

Now I have a box of those well-meaning items, like posture training resistance bands that I swear I'm going to use. I know I will repurchase if I got rid of it, feeling inspired by another video. When I realize I'm not going to use something aspirational like this, I put it in the box, and occasionally sort through it when I'm inspired again.

That hack is more about understanding myself and my habits, rather than a perfect declutter.

That concludes our mood for today. Go through the mood tag for more articles and advice.

What is a random item or mindset you want to say thank you, and goodbye, to?

[Image: Becca Schultz via Unsplash]