mood: I hate her.

Welcome to mood, our new series of personal essays on rebeccaksampson.com. These posts will be about empowering you to take on a new perspective to problems and scenarios you encounter at work, in your family, the past, and in general life.

First up, we're going to talk about the bitch you hate from work, that friend of a friend that you don't want invited, and/or the random cousin you see at family get togethers that people keep forcing you towards because you have one thing in common but really she drives you nuts.

Whoever this bitch is to you, she gets on your nerves. Why? She thinks she is better than you. First of all, how dare she? You are fucking awesome.

This person is comparing you and her and seeing you as lacking. This could be a judgment on skill, expertise, beauty, interests, etc. Whatever her reasons are, it bothers you. I've got something to tell you about this mood.

You don't actually hate her.

You have given stock into her opinion that you are lacking.

And some part of you agrees.

If you didn't agree in some capacity, their opinion would not bother you. It's like when a kid says something totally wrong, you just roll with it or ignore it-you know it doesn't actually have anything to do with the truth. Hating someone or finding them annoying, in most cases, has nothing to do with them and more to do with you. It's a trigger response.

There are obviously real people to hate, like murderers, political figures working against your belief systems, or a person that is rude to everyone they meet. But when it's a random person on your block or in your daily life that isn't purely an asshole? There is something to examine. Their opinion of you is something you believe and hating them keeps you safe from taking it seriously. If they don't have an opinion you disagree with, examine their actions. Are they boldly pursuing something and it bothers you? Do they have an award, validation, or recognition that you want? Do they act in some ways, opposite to you? Are you worried people value their opinion more than yours?

Now ask yourself, what in you are you denying? What qualities of yourself do you dislike? When this person utilizes the personality trait or recognition you want, it reminds you of what you are not or what you are denied. And that's the real reason you hate them. The good news is, you can let it go. You can decide your opinion matters more, that their validation or claiming of something you want doesn't matter, or that it's okay for you to love yourself in the ways you haven't before. Next time you encounter them and get annoyed, ask yourself this question: What does their [action/opinion/belief/whatever happened] have to do with me? What in me can I be more understanding or confident about?

And see what changes in you, in them, and in your life over time by being brave enough to examine the answer. So, what did you think of our first installment of mood? What do you want examined next? [Image: cottons bro via Pexels]