I Used to Hate This Part of Myself: Finally Getting Over My ADHD Shame

I used to hate my ADHD. That hated seeped into me, stressing my sensitive heart, thinking something was wrong with me.

When I originally started this blog post in 2022, it was focused on one thing—how frustrating I found it that I always changed my mind. I would start something, not finish it, or give significant effort for weeks, and then suddenly not care.

I would take this fact about myself and decide that it meant I was unreliable, which is the something no one in my life would ever say. Hello, eldest daughter here! You want me in your corner if there is an emergency.

Still, my pivoting hobbies and goals and unfinished projects had me hating myself more than I feel comfortable admitting.

With ADHD, hyperfixations are normal, and they make sense. There is a wonderful satisfaction in spending time trying to understand something, then it falls away once the puzzle fades. It's explained well in this article by add.org. We have lower levels of dopamine, and so we seek that in our activities.

I felt ashamed and guilty about how often I felt the need to pivot directions or cancel projects or just stop business launches mid-way because I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I would push my gut feelings down and shame myself for not having a niche, picking a lane, or losing interest.

So how did I stop feeling ADHD shame?

Hating my natural tendencies was exhausting and created significant stress in my life. To finally move past it, I did a few things:

1. Learned more about ADHD. So many people, even those with ADHD, don't understand how it works. Once you do, you can better focus on honing it to your benefit, as well as give yourself more understanding.

2. Started talking about my ADHD with those closest to me. Sometimes, it gets in the way, or people misunderstand why I act or do something. For example, I forget something if it isn't in front of me. This includes remembering appointments or obligations or things I said I would do. The more I explained how my quirks were related to how my brain worked, the more me and those around me could adapt. For example, I add my husband to all my character invites, so he can help also help remind me of my obligations.

3. Took personality tests and astrology-related tests. It sounds odd, but having other analyses done on myself helped me see things with more clarity. What has been the most helpful is Human Design, like this book from Human Design expert Erin Claire Jones, where I learned I was a Manifesting Generator, made to experiment.

4. Started celebrating how ADHD helped me. The more you see your strengths, the more obvious they become. When I told myself how wonderful this was for me, suddenly the world opened up.

5. Was more honest about what I wanted to do vs what I didn't. Starting to say no and maybe more often, waiting until my high energy slowed down before I committed, made my yeses more reliable. If I didn't want to do something, I didn't pressure myself to fold and say yes. This took a lot of practice, and sometimes I still falter here, but the more I allow myself those boundaries and reinforce them, the more trust I gain in myself. See my post on how to foster your intuition for more on this topic.

How ADHD is a superpower

I told someone recently that ADHD was like having a superpower trapped in a paper cut.

Sometimes it rubs me the wrong way and drives me insane. Other times, the superpower overrules the annoyance of the paper cut.

1. Have you noticed how good you are at pattern recognition?

2. How you solve problems faster than your peers?

3. How you can finish a project in a weekend that takes other people a month?

4. How you better understand the perspective of other people?

All of those reasons are why I've hit so many promotions, reaching where some people never do, only 13 years out of university.

And the thing that annoyed me the most, pivoting projects after making big announcements about them, and feeling embarrassed?

I realized I am not special in that. I'm not the only person in the world who has changed their mind. Realizing that hating that part of meyself only shut out my potential was a turning point. Because hating yourself is like a poison, it changes everything you do in subtle ways, and limits your opportunities.

Fighting for your limitations is a guaranteed way to find more of them.

I was subconsciously worried people would find me unreliable, not responsible, or think I was a fraud because of all these shifts. But would I think that of other people that changed their minds publicly? No.

So why was I held at a different standard?

Having the ability to change and pivot, is a strength.

We all know people that haven't changed or adapted in years. They get stuck in their own way, are quick to anger, and don't believe in themselves. It's sad to see what those people do to themselves.

Recognizing that change was actually an admirable trait helped me anchor it as one of my ADHD superpowers.

I'm so glad I did. Life is less stressful when you give yourself the confidence to see what you are good at.

What have you hated about yourself, that you now love? How does this topic sit with you?

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This post is part of my draft project, where I take the almost one-hundred blog post drafts I've started the past few years and finally finish them, not letting their potential impact go to waste. I'm curious how many I'll finish by the end of the year!

(This post was started in 2022, just waiting for you to read it.)

I hope it inspires you to pick up and finish the project you've had in the back of your mind too.

First Image: Blooming Flower on Pexels